The reasons are several. I am starting to get the urge to vent more and more often. And now that I am moving to a new city again it is increasingly hard to catch the right friend at the right moment when they have time to hear me (or read me) vent. Blogging seems like the perfect way to avoid the "mass emailing" and still feel like there is an audience, albeit a very small one, but an audience nonetheless.
On the other hand, I am about to embark on an interesting adventure that would be worth documenting. As far as adventures go, it probably doesn't sound all that exciting at first - I am simply going back to the place where I grew up. Big deal! Yes, big deal. Because I left that place when I was 17, and ALL of the time I lived independently from my parents has been in a different country. I have not seen Russia in five and a half years. Lots has changed, I hear. So my adventure is not exciting in a way that a scuba diving vacation in Hawaii is. Rather, I anticipate a journey that will be an eye-opening experience, revealing how becoming an adult in Alaska has shaped me differently from the people who grew up and still live down the street from my parents' apartment.Perhaps the word is not anticipate, but hope. I recently received an email from a person from waaaay back, who read my online "blurb" summarizing what has happened in five years and said: "I am glad you achieved everything you wanted." Though it might seem like I know exactly what is going on, the truth is, I am desperately searching for what it is that makes me ME. What do I want it life? What do I value? What interests me? What do I want to know about? What is the accomplishment after which I will be able to say - I did achieve everything I wanted to!
I know that sometimes I behave like a different person around different people. Some of that is natural, I suppose, but I worry, that I get influenced by the mirror that is that other person too much. I want to know myself and I want to be myself in any situation.
So I will start writing. I remember feeling good about myself when I kept a diary. I just could not ever find enough time for it. Plus the notebook diaries do not connect you with other people the way I am hoping this attempt might. I hope that it will keep me in touch with my dearest friends in Alaska when I am in Russia, and with my strong and loving family when I am back in the US.
There are way too many I's in this post. But that's what happens when you try to express your emotions. So let the expressing begin...
